Ten Things I learned in the First Year of Motherhood
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The first year of motherhood flies by. Quite honestly the quickest year of my life. A year full of the sweetest memories and some really big challenges. Becoming a mom has been the most beautiful and sometimes exhausting experience. I have learned so much in the last year about myself, about life and what it means to be a mom. Keep reading to see just 10 things I learned it the first year of motherhood.
1. I learned how to ask for help
I’ve never been good at asking for help. I will just do all of the things because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone else. But, before I even had my daughter, my husband and I discussed the importance of me getting rest after I had our baby. I really wanted to take it easy in those first few weeks postpartum and I became a pro at asking for help. I think this is super important in those first weeks especially but also now, a year later. The things I need help with now have definitely changed from what I needed in the beginning months of motherhood but I have found more peace when I ask for the help.
2. It's okay to say no.
I don’t know about you but I’ve always had a hard time saying no. After having my daughter I’ve gotten a lot better at saying no. There have been so many instances in the past where I would do things, like staying up or staying out longer than I really wanted or tag along to things I didn’t really want to because I didn’t know how to just say no. Having a baby has allowed me to set boundaries I was never comfortable setting before. This has helped me so much to keep my peace. I have really learned what my threshold is when it comes to social settings. I’ve also come to realize that when you have a baby or toddler it’s important to keep their peace as well. I have really started to make sure that I set boundaries on when to leave or choose to not to do something if I know that it will impact her, like her sleep or mood because that impacts me as well.
3. The things I enjoy changed.
Things I used to love doing, I no longer care for. This was something I really wasn’t expecting. I used to enjoy watching all sorts of tv and movies and now I’m not into it anymore. Especially scary movies, they used to be a must during Halloween but now I have no interest in watching a horror flick. I mostly think this is because I just don’t have the energy to have my adrenaline pumping. When I have free time I’d rather do something more relaxing, ya know? I also feel like I don’t have the patience for things that don’t have a purpose. Like movies or video games. RIP to my animal crossing villagers. Something new that enjoy that I used to really despise are podcasts. I used to not be able to sit and listen to podcasts but now I find enjoyment in them. I’m a visual person so just listening to a podcast was always hard for me to do. But now they keep my mind busy during the day to day routines.
4. The house doesn't have to be clean.
I feel like women put so much pressure on themselves to keep a clean house, especially if you are a stay at home mom. Who are we trying to impress on the daily? Our homes are not showrooms, they are meant to be lived in and it’s okay for them to look lived in. There’s a mindset shift that I made on this topic. I started to see the beauty in a house that had some mess, I’m not talking dirty, there’s a difference. But a house where you can see the fun that was had by the toys scattered on the floor and the house where you can see the loving conversations had at the dining table with crumbs on the table and dishes in the sink. I no longer feel bad if I leave the house a mess. The mess can wait but the memories waiting to be made can’t. And I’ll take the memories any day.
5. Get out of the house.
I learned that getting out of the house can make a world of difference when the day is dragging on. Those days where your baby is fussy no matter what you do, where you’re just holding on by a thread- that’s the perfect time to get out. I for sure was intimidated to go out with my baby at first. I feel like it takes time to feel more confident in this way but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. Sometimes just going to a drive through to grab a coffee can be helpful. You don’t have to make it this big adventure that lasts hours. Just get out, grab groceries, meander aisles, head to the park or indoor play place. There’s something about a different environment that most often can reset your mind and your baby’s mind and make the day go by so much quicker.
6. Things are always changing.
The biggest thing I learned is that everything is constantly changing. The baby’s sleep changes were the most surprising to me. Like that shift after the newborn-constantly-sleeping all day ends then all of a sudden they only take 3 naps? Then 2 naps? Like as soon as I think I have a rough schedule down it changes again. Then of course the feeding schedule changes and then all of sudden they are 6 months + and now you feed them real food. It’s just crazy how much you pivot and learn with a baby.
7. Stay off Social Media.
Logging off social media apps for a while is a good idea. I feel like there were so many things I wasn’t worried about until I saw someone talking about it on social media. If I didn’t look at Instagram this first year I think I would have enjoyed it a bit more. For one example of this- my daughter is a contact napper. If I try to lay her down anywhere, she has always woken up as soon as I put her down. This never bothered me. I enjoyed being “nap trapped” so much. It felt like a special moment we got to have every day, multiple times a day, and I loved it. Then I saw some moms on Instagram complain about being nap trapped and not being able to use that time to clean or have time to themselves. Once I saw that I thought to myself, “should I also be trying to do the dishes while she naps? Or getting alone time when she naps?” And then I started to get so frustrated that I was nap trapped because I couldn’t do anything productive during that time. It took me a long time to stop this line of thinking and to enjoy it again.
8. People have opinions and have no problem giving unsolicited advice.
It’s real baffling to me the amount at which people are comfortable telling you their opinion about how you are raising your baby. You get strangers saying things as well as family. I always just nod my head and smile and politely change the subject. I just find it strange how much people insert themselves in a new mom’s parenting.
9. It's hard to not play the comparison game.
Whether you’re comparing yourself to other moms or you’re comparing your baby to other babies – it’s so hard not to. I hear the advice all the time not to compare to others but it’s. So. Dang. Hard. I’m constantly trying to remind myself that every baby is different and every mother’s journey is different. I’ve been working on changing my mindset on this.
Want to learn more about changing your mindset in order to enjoy motherhood more?
10. Manage your expectations.
I don’t think you need to keep your expectations low, I think you need to manage them. The worst thing you can do as a new mom is have big expectations. Whether it’s about baby’s sleep, how things are going to go at the first big holiday or running errands. When you have realistic expectations you are less likely to be disappointed and less likely to be in a bad mood. And if things go well then you’re going to feel so pleased.
Final thoughts
Hold on to those babies and give all of the snuggles because it’s so true what they say; it goes by in the blink of an eye. You will learn so much in the first year, some good, some bad, but you’ll grow as a mama. You’ll get more and more confident in your abilities and intuition. Enjoy it mama.
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I created Natural and Empowered Birth because I want to help women have a positive birth experience.
I’ve always been fascinated by birth and love hearing other mama’s birth stories. Learning about how women can have a beautiful and empowering birth set me on a path to have one myself and now I want to help women have a great birthing experience too.
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Amazing blog and content! I think we cover similar topics. I’m learning all these things too and I’m constantly reminding myself that everything is just a phase. Right now, my baby hates loud noises like the vacuum even though he used to not care. Everything truly does change as our children grow!
Thank you Serena! Yes, none of this lasts forever. Which is both a happy thought and a sad one.